Dear Stupid Drivers,
Stop waving me through four-way intersections. JUST STOP IT. Ok? You’re not being nice, you’re causing problems.
I know this sounds like #FirstWorldProblems but I’m seriously sick of it. It’s gotten so bad lately, that even when I arrive AFTER these idiots, they still wave me through. They don’t even give me a chance to stop before they start frantically waving.
Do you think I can’t figure out when it’s my turn?
Here’s the deal: You come to the intersection, you stop. I arrive next. You go. THEN I go. You don’t need to give me your little flippant wave so I can go first. You’re ALREADY STOPPED. It’s YOUR TURN.
What? You think I’m over-reacting? Well, you would be too if you had to deal with this idiotic intersection every damn day, SEVERAL times a day with all these dopey drivers thinking they’re doing people favors.
Listen, this is how you can do me a favor. FOLLOW THE RULES OF THE ROAD.
In case you can’t remember them, here are a few to refresh your memory:
1. Use your turn signal BEFORE you start to weave into the next lane. Use it BEFORE you brake to turn.
2. Stop f**king around on your cell phone, even if you’re just at a stop light. See, you’re checking your email and I’m pissed because you haven’t figured out the arrow is GREEN. If you can’t seem to stay off your phone while driving, shove it up your ass so you physically can’t get to it.
3. Use your manners. Allow people to merge. If someone lets you merge, smile and acknowledge the courtesy. Conversely, don’t be a d**k and fly down the emergency lane to avoid merging for a long as possible.
4. Motorcyclists: these rules apply to you too. Buzzing around cars like you’re in the movie “The Fast & The Furious” is dumb and dumber.
5. The LEFT lane is for PASSING not for you to lounge in your mini-van while yammering on your iPhone while ignoring your kid who’s screaming in the waaaaay back seat.
6. When you arrive at the 4-way intersection first, you go FIRST. Beyond that you go in order of arrival and yield to the person on your right if you arrive at the exact same time. No flippant wave needed.
7. Stop following the car in front of you through the green arrow that has turned red. You’ve essentially run a red light and blocked oncoming traffic from moving forward. Nightmare.
8. Tail-gaiting will not get you there faster. Also, no need to slam on your brakes every five seconds because you’re a jumpy driver. MAINTAIN YOUR SPEED unless there is a real NEED to brake.
9. Pay attention to your lane. If it says “Exit Only” and you’re not exiting, put on your directional and change lanes, preferably before you start down the exit ramp. Not rocket science.
10. Doing your hair, plucking eyebrows,popping a zit, shaving (yes, saw a guy using an electric razor), eating a meal…these are all things that should be done on terra firm NOT in a moving car. Unless of course, you’re a passenger, then shave and eat and pluck away.
Ok, I’m sure there are more ‘rules’ but for now, just burn those things into your memory.
We can now go forward and drive happy.
P.S. You’re not a traffic cop so stop waving me through intersections.
P.P.S. Sorry if I have committed any of the above infractions…I’ve been known to be a stupid driver sometimes. Usually it’s when I’m running late. Which is always. Maybe I should have written this letter to myself.
UPDATE: Geez, it just happened again! Parent picking up his kid just STOPS driving. No signal, no nothing….then he friggin WAVES me around him. (Mind you, he’s blocking traffic from moving forward.) Hey a-hole, you couldn’t pull into a parking space like the rest of us?!?!?!?!! Parking lot ettiquette, that’s whole different rant.
Meanwhile, I need a James Bond car. I can’t take this anymore.