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Husband Creates Spreadsheet Detailing Lack Of Sex

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(Matthew Lloyd / Getty)

(Matthew Lloyd / Getty)

10432249_603546923092652_1089561234_n Christine Lee
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A disgruntled husband tired of not getting ‘any’ decided the best thing to do is to send his wife a spreadsheet showing all the times she shot him down when he initiated sex.

Gee, I don’t know about you, but nothing screams romance like a computer spreadsheet.

The unnamed hubby (which is suspicious because this could be some kind of internet prank…but let’s just assume it’s real) apparently emailed his wifey (Reddit user Throwwwwaway29) this love-letter-spreadsheet while she was at work.

He spent a month compiling the list of reasons she said no to sex, which included “I’m watching a show”,”I have to be up early”, “I’m not feeling good, I ate too much” and “I might be getting sick”.

Well, guess what? His little plan backfired. Not only did he not get laid that night (I’m just guessing, of course) but his wife posted his spreadsheet on Reddit and the rest, as they say, is viral internet history.

But you see, that spreadsheet only shows HALF the story. What about her side?

Speaking on behalf of married women everywhere, let me imagine why she REALLY was turning him down.

1. He didn’t come on to her when she was actually in the mood. He might have gotten it 20 times had he paid attention! (Ok, well maybe not 20 times, but guaranteed it would have been more than 3 times in a month.)

2. He repeatedly asked her to have sex while he had his hand down his pants scratching his boys.

3. He tried to kiss her with nasty morning breath after getting drunk the night before.

4. He had the nerve to interrupt her favorite TV show. Would he wanna have sex if she asked him while watching the Super Bowl? Of course not.

5. He asked her to get it on after she worked a full day AND then picked up the kids AND prevented WWIII between siblings AND made dinner AND did the laundry AND walked the dogs….yeah, tired takes on a whole new meaning.

6. She asked him to do a few chores. He said “not now honey, the game’s on.” Hey, he says “no” she says “no”. Makes perfect sense to me!

Let’s just throw a little pie chart in his face…

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(Christine Lee)

In the end, the original post was taken down. Maybe that husband wised up and finally did things the old fashioned way: dinner and diamonds.

 

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