If you’re looking for love, then listen up– Jaimy Blazynski, the Date Doctor is here!
With Halloween just around the corner, Jaimy wanted to discuss skeletons in the closet. We all have them, and the Date Doctor has tips on how to handle them in your relationship. Check out her tips…
1. Don’t create skeletons
A lot of women like drama, and claim they have “so much baggage,” but no one should ever intentionally create skeletons. Skeletons in the closet are things you can NOT get rid of, like mental health issues or addictions. If you’re dating somebody and you have these types of skeletons, don’t tell them right away– wait until there is a foundation and the relationship is moving in a positive direction, and feels like it could be a committed relationship.
Don’t dump this on somebody at the very beginning, and remember– people are more accepting of our flaws when they know us well. If someone cares about you and you admit you had a gambling addiction but you’re getting better at it, they will be more willing to accept it, as opposed to dropping it on them right out of the gate and scaring them away.
2. Choose your delivery
Bigger and more important than any skeleton you have in the closet is the way you deliver the information. Don’t over-dramatize it and blow it out of proportion, just be honest and open and focus on the positive (I had a problem, but I’m doing okay with it now). The drama is the turn-off, not the issue.
3. Recognize taking on your issues will be a big deal for someone
If you’re in a committed relationship, you will be sharing any baggage you bring to the table, and your partner needs to be willing to take this on. If you have a psycho ex, you should share that information but make it clear to your partner that it is their choice whether or not they are willing to have that skeleton become a part of their life, too.
4. When to share
As far as timing, the Date Doctor thinks it’s a package deal– meeting the kids, having sex and sharing the skeletons in the closet should all go together at the same time in a relationship. Do it when you know the relationship has a future, when you’re talking every day and connected to one another. You need to be at the top of your game, you need to deal with any of the stupid things you have done in the past and admit it.
5. Be okay with someone not accepting your skeletons
If your skeleton in the closet is a deal breaker for someone else, you need to be okay with that. If you were married to an alcoholic, you may not want to get in a new relationship with a recovering alcoholic, because it would all be too painfully familiar and you don’t want to deal with it. We all have our deal breakers and they are all based on our past. Just because one person can’t deal with your skeleton, doesn’t mean somebody else can’t– you just need to find that right person.