I Am The Grumpy Cat Driver

Ok, like any mom, I’m operating on negative-4 hours sleep per night. Yes, after years and years of not getting enough sleep I am deranged. Coffee helps… for a few seconds. Then it’s back to EVERYTHING annoying me. Now, I try to be patient with my family. I’ve read “1-2-3 Magic” like every other parent who lives in the self-help section of the bookstore. I realize that when baby is throwing a tantrum, mommy needs to stay calm. And for the most part I do. But on the road… well that’s a different story.

Lately, my BIGGEST pet peeve with other drivers has been the “wave through”. You know these jerks, they’re the condescending douches who flippantly WAVE you through a four-way intersection because they assume you’re too stupid to know when it’s your turn to go. Now, mind you I appreciate the wave through when we arrive at basically the same time. That’s courteous. But when I clearly arrive a full 10 seconds before you, I don’t need a wave through. I don’t need your permission to go when it’s OBVIOUSLY MY TURN.

I have a lot MORE pet peeves on the road:

  • Idiots who drive SLOW as  S*** in the left lane forcing you to pass on the right. WTF!?
  • A**wipes who text and drive and when you pass them and give them “the look” they give YOU the finger like it’s YOUR FAULT they’re all over the road.
  • The dumb-dumbs yammering on their phones. Especially the ones who HOLD IT UP TO THEIR HEADS while driving. I guess they aren’t familiar with this new invention called the IN-LINE MIC ON THEIR DAMN HEADPHONES or even BLUETOOTH (or BlueTOOL as some lovingly refer to it).
  • There are the putzes who HAVE to pass you with seconds to spare only to get off INSTANTLY at the exit you’re just approaching.
  • The clueless dopes weaving back and forth because they’re doing makeup or picking up a toy their kids hurled at them from the back seat. (In those instances,  I’ve been known to pull off the highway and gently remind my misbehaving little devils they can choose to walk home….they’ve never called my bluff, thankfully).
  • How about the  f-ing zeros who realize they’ve almost missed their exit and WEAVE ACROSS two lanes of traffic and barely make it off in time….nearly wiping out 5 cars in their wake.
  • Douche bags sitting at the light staring at their dumb-phone when the arrow has turned green.
  • Losers who follow the guy in front of him through the green arrow AFTER the arrow is RED RED RED causing the guys who have a green light from the other side to wait.
  • GRIDLOCKERS. You KNOW you can’t make it. Why do you INCH FORWARD and block the intersection A**HOLE?

Pent up? You think I’M pent up? You think I’M the one with issues?  You think those people who wave me through the intersection are just being nice? Well, that very well may be, but what the hell are there rules of the road for if people think they can just follow some rules and not others? When I arrive at the intersection first, I GO FIRST!  When I want to pass, I should be able do that in the LEFT lane. If you want to turn, use your DAMN SIGNAL!

Hey, no one said this life would be easy or with out little annoyances, but for S**T’s sake, I must not be the ONLY one out there who’s irritated by other drivers who insist on following THEIR OWN RULES.

You know what? Just writing about these dumb a** drivers is making me irritated.  I need a nap, but no time. So I think I’m just gonna refill my coffee now cause my hands are starting to sssshhhake.

Happy Driving!

More from Christine Lee

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