If you’re looking for love, then listen up– Jaimy Blazynski, the Date Doctor is here!
This week, the Date Doctor talks about the things we do in a relationship to get our way. Sometimes we use bad techniques to manipulate our partners in order to get what we want. Here’s what the Date Doctor has to say:
When we try to get our significant others to do something, we often try to guilt them into it. We’ve all hear (and said) a line like “Honey, I had such a long day… can you do the dishes?” or “I’m so tired, can you take the kids?”
The problem with this is, it can quickly turn into nagging, which is quite unsexy. And if a guy gives in to that a lot, he can come across as weak, which is another turnoff.
Another common tactic to manipulate a partner is complaining. Instead of saying “Can we go out to dinner?” we’ll complain instead saying “We never go out to dinner.” A partner can get so sick of complaints that they decide they don’t WANT to go out to dinner, so it’s not an effective way to communicate. Being passive aggressive can be even worse, leading to some ugly results.
Jaimy’s most hated manipulation tactic is throwing something from the past in a partner’s face. Keeping score and remembering a bad thing they did can be very damaging to a relationship. The best thing to do is either get over it, or get out of the relationship.
The good news is, even if you DO act this way sometimes, it’s never too late to change. The best way to do it is to stop and think, and really own it and admit to it. Sometimes we’re so comfortable with denial, since it’s easier to pretend we’re perfect and all the fault lies with someone else, but sometimes we really ARE doing something wrong, too. When we can admit that to ourselves, it becomes much easier to change that negative behavior.
There are some better options to try and get your way in a non-negative way. One is to appeal to a partner’s “soft spot.” If they love a good meal, cook some of their favorite foods before you ask for a favor. Massages, back rubs and other intimate gestures of kindness can go a long way in opening your partner up to helping you get what you want. And of course, the obvious one is sex, which works almost every time– people are always in a better place after sex, they are more relaxed and more likely to be giving.
The most important thing you can do is catch yourself when you are about to nag or complain or use guilt, and just ask nicely with no drama instead. You don’t need to go anywhere negative– once you catch yourself and course-correct a few times, you can change that behavior forever and be more attractive and happy.