How Do I Process This Heartache?

The horrific tragedy that unfolded in Newtown this past weekend hast left me numb. Unable to process anything. Normally, I’m a mom who wears her heart on her sleeve, crying at the drop of a hat. But for some reason I have yet to have a good, hard cry.

I am a zombie. I am lost. I feel helpless and useless and numb.

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law and their 3 children all live in Newtown. My husband and I reached out to them offering them our home if they needed to just get away, but Penny respectfully declined saying she wanted to feel the loss, to grieve with her community, to go through the process together. I love her even more for that.

I told my children who are 8 and 10 of the shooting. I have limited media exposure not letting them see news coverage. I did let them see our president’s message to the country. I have tried to reassure my boys that with such tragedies comes improved safety and awareness, but I am having a hard time really believing that myself.

The world has changed yet again just like the date “which will live in infamy’, like 9-11, like the Aurora shooting. I hope and pray that these babies spirits and memories live on and that with their passing comes improved safety for those of us left to pick of the pieces. Better understanding of mental health. Better safety measures at schools. Restricted access to weapons. Whatever it takes, let’s do it and make this world one that the next generation of children growing up doesn’t have to fear simply going to school.

Finally, I am grateful and in awe of the outpouring of love, kindness and support I see from our fellow man. The strangers who hug and cry together. The mom who hugs another mom’s kids she doesn’t even know. It’s these little acts that will make the biggest difference. I think President Obama said it best when he spoke so beautifully and from the heart in Newtown:

“So our hearts are broken today — for the parents and grandparents, sisters and brothers of these little children, and for the families of the adults who were lost. Our hearts are broken for the parents of the survivors as well, for as blessed as they are to have their children home tonight, they know that their children’s innocence has been torn away from them too early, and there are no words that will ease their pain.

Because while nothing can fill the space of a lost child or loved one, all of us can extend a hand to those in need — to remind them that we are there for them, that we are praying for them, that the love they felt for those they lost endures not just in their memories but also in ours.

May God bless the memory of the victims and, in the words of Scripture, heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.”

The only thing I would add to our president’s words is, “Amen”.

Be safe everyone.  Hug your babies tight.

More from Christine Lee

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