I was inspired this week after watching an episode of Bravo Television’s “Real Housewives Of Orange County.” I’ll just say loud and proud right here, “I love me some trash TV.” Get over yourselves TV snobs.
So there I was, watching the blondes on RHOOC (by the way, these women all look eerily alike) when one of the ladies breaks into a treasure trove of deliciously derisive quotes regarding feminism and marriage. You can find the exact quotes anywhere online, but in her rant, she claimed that America has gotten so liberal that women spend too much time proving that they can do anything that men can do instead of living up to their roles as women.
That role being strictly mother and wife and subservient to her husband because … well … because he’s the man. She goes on to say in a biblical reference, that because she was made from her husband’s rib, that it is her duty to do whatever her husband asks – and she loves it that way.
I was taken aback by these comments. Not because I take issue with any woman who decides that her path in life is to be mother and wife, but because the idea of a woman actually embracing a subservient role is a bit of a risk and slightly archaic. Even in the dating arena this is an issue for many women. On my Facebook page I brought this up and one woman commented that, “guys don’t know how to date anymore – honking their horns or texting from the car. What happened to showing up at the door with flowers?”
You’d better have it done by tomorrow!
It’s risky for the woman who decides to forgo a career of her own and place her financial future and independence in the hands of someone else. I couldn’t imagine having to give a grown woman an allowance! And what happens if/when the marriage ends? Starting over is hard enough (I’ve been there) starting over with virtually nothing has got to be a nightmare.
On the other hand, who could argue with the idea of having one parent at home with the kids all the time? What’s so bad about that? But back to the original issue: “Has feminism ruined relationships?” As a self-proclaimed “progressive dater”, my answer is “no.”
I completely embrace the ever-evolving dating and mating scene. This is the modern reality of the game of love, sex, and relationships – the players keep getting better. Meaning women are bringing far more well-rounded and self-sufficient lives to the table. This, to me, makes women far more interesting, engaging and exciting than ever before. And long-term, from a practical standpoint, it means that the fiscal weight of carrying a household won’t fall solely on my shoulders. But, to the point of the “traditional daters”, there’s a lot to be said for knowing your role in a relationship at the outset.
So feminism hasn’t ruined relationships. The inability of the parties involved to effectively communicate their expectations may actually be greater issue. If you believe in hardline gender roles in romance, then that needs to be discussed and the couple needs to agree. Or agree to disagree and move on. To be clear, I don’t believe there is one “right” way. Whether traditional or progressive in your dating life, each style has viable, relevant pros and cons.
The right way is the way that works. But what do you think?
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