According to Rolling Stone, the lyrical master of “Ice Ice Baby” fame, [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Vanilla Ice[/lastfm], will be moving on from Dancing On Ice, his home improvement show and his previous credits in Cool As Ice and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze to get theatrical as Captain Hook in a pantomime performance of Peter Pan at an English theater.
So, not only will Vanilla Ice be acting (he really shouldn’t), but he will be a mime. Yes. A creepy white-faced mute mime.
But not just any mime, the smarmy evil Captain Hook from Peter Pan. As a mime. We think all of our worst repressed childhood nightmares have come true. “Mime Mime Baby?” Not as catchy.
After we were finished huddling in the corner, sobbing away our closeted angst about mimes and Vanilla Ice, we pondered what other musicians have taken the leap from talented instrumental performer to mediocre-at-best actor or actress. Here is our Top Twenty list of Musicians Who Should Have Never, Ever Acted.
Or (shiver) become mimes.
20.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Courtney Love[/lastfm]
With over fifteen films to her name, Courtney Love is not just an erstwhile musician with a hankering for the silver screen. Love is actually decent in many of her roles, although not-so-shockingly her best acting is when is playing a drugged-out hot mess like in Sid and Nancy or her Golden Globe nominated role in The People Vs. Larry Flynt.
We aren’t really sure if Love is acting or just playing an exaggerated version of herself. She is at least amusing and, ahem, authentic in most of her roles.
19.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Keith Richards[/lastfm]
Again: Is appearing in the Pirates of The Caribbean series really acting? We thought Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame was actually a pirate. Or, if he’s not a real pirate, he is the most authentic embodiment of a real-life pirate in the entire musical hemisphere.
How many bottles of rum do you think Richards has had with how many Pretty Pollies?
18. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Roger Daltrey[/lastfm]
To be frank, we love Roger Daltrey who was lead singer of the seminal classic rock band The Who. We love him so much as a musician and that is what makes us hate him so much as an actor, especially in movies like Buddy’s Song.
He’s really not that bad. But not that bad is not as good as his genius musicianship with both The Who and in his solo work.
17. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Bret Michaels [/lastfm]
Some might say that Bret Michaels, the lead singer of Poison, is one of the finest actors of the modern age. If one were to judge his acting skill on his movie A Letter From Death Row, that statement would be highly debatable.
If one were to judge Michaels’ acting skill from his stint as a bandana’d rock ‘n roll bachelor on VH1‘s Rock of Love, you might imagine him Oscar-worthy after seeing him deal with some of those over-dramatic floozies. We guess it all depends on your definition of “acting.”
16. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Marilyn Manson[/lastfm]
Just like Bret Michaels, it’s hard to tell what about Marilyn Manson is really real and really an act. His stage persona seems so farcical that one might assume that it’s hardly close to his real personality. But then you see him act in movies like Party Monster and Jawbreaker and your jaw just…drops.
Manson is stiff and creepy in all his film roles. Much like in real life.
15.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] Jon Bon Jovi[/lastfm]
Hunky musician from New Jersey, [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Jon Bon Jovi[/lastfm], has had over a dozen screen roles and besides playing himself on 30 Rock and the West Wing and ten or so episodes on Ally McBeal, we barely remember anything he was in and whether it was worthwhile.
Which means they probably weren’t.
14. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Vanilla Ice [/lastfm]
The man. The mime. The legend. Do we even have to re-hash all the reasons that Vanilla Ice shouldn’t be a mime? Yes?
Here’s Cool As Ice. Imagine this completely silent with a hook in his hand. Ok, that might actually be amusing.
13. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Britney Spears [/lastfm]
Most of Britney Spears’ extensive acting experience is playing herself. Whether it be on the numerous television shows or commercials she’s been in, she’s always just playing, well, Brit Brit.
Even in her coming-of-age film from 2002, Crossroads, a baby-faced Spears just played a less successful version, perhaps nerdier version of herself. It’s pretty adorable, but is Spears acting material? Her best work was probably as a Mouseketeer.
12. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Mariah Carey [/lastfm]
After her role in Precious, Mariah Carey proved that she might be a better actress than what was indicated in her 2001 film Glitter, but Glitter was just so awful, we can’t erase it, or her horrible foray into acting, from our brains.
Our favorite part of Glitter was the part where Carey sang and the part where it ended.
11. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Mick Jagger [/lastfm]
[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]The Rolling Stones[/lastfm]’ Mick Jagger is one of the most talented vocalists and on-stage performers in the game.
Consequently, Jagger has taken his luscious lips to many an acting stage. While his live theater run has been incredibly decent, his roles in movies like 1992’s Freejack have made us wishing he was back on stage doing what he does best–that sexy, bluesy Rolling Stones bump ‘n grind.
10. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]50 Cent [/lastfm]
Man, do we love 50 Cent. Especially his infamous (and hilarious) Twitter feed. But after seeing Get Rich Or Die Tryin’, we don’t need to ever see him in a movie again, unless it’s a comedy starring Russell Brand, directed by Judd Apatow, where he plays himself himself, not a fictionalized version of himself.
Then we’ll be the first in line for tickets.
9. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Jessica Simpson [/lastfm]
Creepy Papa Joe must have been proud of his little baby when she took a brief vacation to being the world’s most clueless pop/reality star to being treated as man meat in movies like Dukes of Hazzards and Employee of the Month.
The clip below is not even real acting. It’s the directors excuse to have Simpson in a bikini and short shorts as Daisy Duke, so it’s NSFW.
8. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Tom Jones[/lastfm]
Seductive Welsh crooner, Tom Jones, has the kind of voice that makes women melt and that quintessential Welsh charm, but his acting prowess is nothing to be overly proud of.
With about a dozen on-screen appearances, none are as memorable for their outright awfulness as his role for Tim Burton’s Mars Attacks!, even if the movie was a blatant parody.
7. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Sting[/lastfm]
Whether Sting is crooning about spiritual positivity or having tantric relations with his wife, Sting is a character we’ve grown to love both musically and as a public figure.
Admittedly, Sting’s acting chops have gotten better with age, but what we just can’t forgive is his appearance as Feyd Rautha in Dune? Was every musician from the ’70s/’80s required to do at least one half-naked horrible role?
We couldn’t find a straight clip but this should give you a good idea. Yes, we know he was hot, but look past that.
6. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Kelly Clarkson[/lastfm]
American Idol‘s first winner,[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] Kelly Clarkson[/lastfm], was the first of many to be entrapped by the early versions of the American Idol contract. Some say the horrible movie From Justin To Kelly with fellow AI contestant[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] Justin Guarini [/lastfm]was part of that.
Whatever the reason, don’t ever do that again, Kelly.
5.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] L.L. Cool J[/lastfm]
Remember that horrible robot shark movie that made you have nightmares about getting into the ocean for five to ten years? No? You blocked it out?
Yeah, we did too. It was called Deep Blue Sea and the undeniably handsome L.L.Cool J played a cook that had the potential to become rogue robot shark man-meat. Not that L.L Cool J as man-meat is a far stretch.
4.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] Snoop Dogg [/lastfm]
We don’t have to run through a filmography of every single thing that Snoop Dogg has ever done. It has all been awful and it has all been hilarious (if not a little scandalous with his porn) and we wouldn’t expect it any other way from the D-Oh-Double-Gee.
Now that you’ve gotten that all out of your system, Snoop, please don’t ever make a sequel to Soul Plane. Please.
3.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] Sean “Diddy” Combs[/lastfm]
If you didn’t see Russell Brand’s comedic hit called Get Him To The Greek last year, you haven’t lived. In it, Diddy plays a narcissistic, evil record mogul. He did such a great job of it, we are thinking it wasn’t acting. Whatsoever.
2. [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Justin Bieber[/lastfm]
Ok, Bieber babes. We know we are talking about your man, but a 3-D documentary film called Never Say Never about Justin Bieber? We know he didn’t technically act in it, but when you are 17-years-old, are you allowed to already have a 3-D documentary film about your life? Didn’t it take [lastfm link_type=”artist_info”]Michael Jackson[/lastfm] and the Rolling Stones decades to even get to epic documentary proportions?
1.[lastfm link_type=”artist_info”] Kanye West[/lastfm]
Last, but definitely not least, is Kanye West in his mini-film, massive-music-video Runaway.
As a visual piece, the movie is amazing. As a music journey, the movie is impeccable. As a highlight of West’s acting skills, it’s awkward. Those silent scenes when West is feigning emotions? The make us feel weird inside. Like we are watching the silent moment before the brink of a massive mental breakdown.
- Do you agree or disagree? Sound off in the comments below!
[Source: Rolling Stone]